10 Reasons Love Potions are Illegal
by Rosekeet
Summary: It's almost Valentines Day and Draco (whos secret passion is matchmaking) Harry, Ginny, Parvati, and Lavender have teamed up to set Ron and Hermione up. But uh-oh... Ron has accidently ben slipped WAY to much love potion... *FINISHED*
1. The MatchMakers

_10 Reasons Love Potions are Illegal_   
Chapter One: The Match Makers  
By, Rosekeet  
A/N: This is my first attempt at a romance/comedy fic but I'm trying! This is going to be Ron and Hermione and um.... yeh... R/R!!!!!!   
  
Draco Malfoy shivered as he sat in about a foot of slush by the lake. It would have been much easier writing all of this down inside the castle as his fingers were growing numb but he couldn't risk _anybody_ finding out. In fact, he was pretty sure that 15 generations of Malfoy's were rolling in thier graves at that very moment. But he didn't care. Nothing could keep him away from his secret passion: match-making. _Hmm.... Let's see..._ he thought looking at the list. 1. Cho Chang and Blake Robbins  
2. Pansy Parkins and Slate Samson (_Maybe that'll make her leave me alone..._)  
3. Ginny Weasly and Colin Creevy  
4. Vincent Crabbe and Martha Anderson (_He deserves SOMEONE..._)  
5. Mary Sue Hills and Gary Stu Lilth  
  
_Yes, that will do nicely for now..._ Draco thought as he rolled up the list and stuck it in his robes.   
It was Febuary 8th. Exactly one week before Valentines Day.  
~*~  
Ron Weasly and Hermione Granger were having one of their famous fights. This time it was about about the color pink.   
"It's nausiating!" Ron yelled his fists clinched at his sides.   
"It is not!!!!!!" Hermione retorted her fists clinched at her sides, standing 5 feet away from Ron. "It's pretty!"   
Harry Potter sighed and pulled the ear plugs out of his bag, putting them in his ears. Just about every other Gryffendor did the same. The ear plugs were invented by Fred and George. Each time you put them in they played a different song. The twins had made a killing off them. Every Gryffendor had bought a pair and many (Harry included) had bought more than one, for safteys sake.   
_Yuck. N'Sync._ Harry thought with disgust. _Why did Fred and George have to put_ them _on here?_ He turned and looked at Ron and Hermione who were now bellowing soundlessly at each other, red in the face. He decided that he'd rather listen to Bye Bye Bye than them. He turned back to his books and started writing the essay for McGonagall. The other Gryffendors who had been talking took out parchment and quills and continued their conversations on paper, not thinking anything about it. It was just another day in the life of a Gryffendor.  
~*~  
"Ron, if you like Hermione so much why do you fight with her?" Harry asked sitting up in bed to look at Ron.   
"I do not like her!!!!!" Ron snapped his face as red as his hair from all the yelling.   
Harry snorted.   
"Sure you don't." He said sarcastically.   
"Why would I like her? She's only the most annyoing smart aleckey prettiest nicest, ugh, I'm not getting into this..." He said rolling over.   
"You must like her some. I mean, this time when you threw the next book at her you missed, come to think of it you've never actually hit her with anything though she got you pretty good with Trevor last week."   
"Ugh, don't remind me. My mouth tasted like toad for a week. ERRRRRR! I SWEAR she's impossible!" Harry shook his head and rolled over listening to Ron ranting to himself. "and pink is a gross color, she doesn't have anything pink!" Harry put the ear plugs he had under his pillow he had stored for just such an occasion in. _ Ahhh... elevator music.... _  
~*~  
"HE'S IMMPOSSIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!" Hermione bellowed throwing a lipstick against the wall.   
"Hey, that's mine!" Lavender said rushing over to retrive it. "Do you have to throw things Hermione?" she snapped as she petted the lipstick fondly. "This is my faovrite color..."   
"For someone who's impossible, you sure like him a lot." Pravati said happily. There was nothing she liked more than a good gossip about someone else love life. Hermione glared at Pravati who just giggled insanely.   
"You do like him! You do!" Hermione just sat on her bed and glared.   
"Like who?" Said Ginny Weasly popping convenently into the room.  
"Your brother!!!!!!!!!!!" Pravati and Lavender squealed together.   
"Oh, Hermione likes Ron? Well, duh." She said with a shrug. "I came to get my book back, Lavender."   
"Oh, here you go!" Lavender said handing Ginny a book entitled I'll Follow You to the Ends of the Earth that had a pictuer of two sparsly clad people clinging to each other on the cover.   
"Wasn't it good?" Gushed Ginny.  
"Especially the part when Edwardo confessed his love for Cassandra and then Jacques shot him and he bled to death in her arms. I sobbed myself to sleep!" "I know..." Ginny said eyes watering, at the thought.   
"It was almost as tragically romantic as in There is no Happily Ever After when Rodrigo tells Christine he loves her as the _Titanic_ sinks beneath their feet." Pravati said who had read the book as well.  
"No way! The only thing that comes close is-"   
"Honestly!" Hermione exploded. "Can't you read anything remotly close to reality! In real life the boy you love throws things at you, and argues with you and is rude and obnoxious..."  
"So your admitting you do like my brother?" Ginny asked keenly.   
"Of course not! Who could like anyone so annoying, and rude, and offensive, and obnoxious, and suspecious and cute in goofy sort of way, and sweet and funny, and so what! I'm head over heels for him!!! ARGH!!!!!!" She practically yelled and rolled over. Pravati, Lavender and Ginnny all squealed with delight.   
"I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! Just like I knew how Filtch and Trewlany have been having a secret love affair for 2 years!" Pravati squealed  
"What?!"  
"Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! So, how long have you liked him, Hermione?" She said trying to change the subject.  
"I am not talking about this!" She snapped. "I'm going to sleep!" Pravati, Lavender and Ginny waited until they hear her snoring softly before talking more.  
"It's just like in the books..." Ginny said with a sigh.  
"Yes..." Pravati said.  
"And it is sooooooooooooooooooooooo painfully obvious that Ron likes her!" Ginny gushed. "And Valentines day is only a week away!"  
"You're right!" Lavender said looking like her birthday had come early.   
"We can get them to confess their feelings for each other!"  
"Just like in Walk Over the Rainbow!"   
"Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!" Pravati squealed. "Only it should be like it was in Tulips Red, Violets Blue."  
"The only problem is Ron is horrible at speeches like that." Ginny said her face falling.  
"How do you know?" "I've heard him practicing in front of the mirror at home. It was awful! Like something V.C. Andrews would write!" They all wrinkled their noses. They _abhored_ V.C. Andrews with a passion.   
"We should have him read Walk Over the Rainbow and Tulips Red, Violets blue!" Pravati said.  
"YES!!!" They all agreed, eyes misting over imagining Ron and Hermione's confessions of their feelings, all of which looked a bit like the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet. You had to feel sorry for them.  
~*~  
Harry walked out of the Great Hall the sounds of Ron and Hermione bikering finally out of range. He sighed with relief as he pushed the door open and exited out unto the grounds. He shivered. It was freezing and he didn't have his cloak. Oh well. Better out here than in there. He headed over to a tree by the lake. As he walked up to it he realized that his least favorite person was there. Draco Malfoy. Malfoy was busily writing something down on a piece of parchment.  
"Whatcha got there, Malfoy?" He said snatching the paper out of his hands. "Hey! Give that back!" Harry scaned the paper. It was an entire list of couples. Besied the names were things like "Send flowers and card". "Give chocolates." and"romatic poem". Harry grinned, his day looking up. There was enough here to blackmail Malfoy into dancing naked with Doby in front of the entire school, not that he wanted to see that. (Who would?)  
"Taking up matchmaking?" He asked with an infuriating girn. Draco's face went red. He hated it when people insulted his hobby.   
"Yes." He said seeing no way in getting around it. "It so happens that I am responsible for the sucsessful dating of 83 couple since I have been at Hogwarts. 50% of which lasted longer than 3 months. 20% lasting longer than 6 months. 10% lasting a year or longer. One 7th year couple I set up in my 1st year ending up getting married!" He said proudly. Draco Malfoy? Match maker? The idea was crazy. Laughable. But yet... An idea came to Harry's mind.  
"I've got a proposition for you Malfoy." he said. Malfoy didn't say anything.  
"I won't tell anyone about your little 'hobby' if you do me a favor."   
"What kind of favor, Potter?"   
"Match Make Ron Weasly and Hermione Granger."  
"Ooooooooooooh.... you two setting up Ron and Hermione too?" Sqealed Lavender running towards them.   
"Can we help?" Asked Pravati.  
"Pwease?" Begged Ginny. Draco looked horrified. What choice did he have? "Yes." He said painfully rubbing his temples. This day was not going well. Not well at all. The girls squealed with delight. Harry covered his ears.  
"But it won't be easy!" Draco hurried on a plan forming in his mind. "This'll take somethign strong as if we sent them flowers or something they'd think it was a joke. This is going to take something special. Though it won't take much as it is like soooooo obvious they like each other. Something that I only save for special occasions."  
"What is it?" Ginny asked breathlessly though they all knew the answer. Draco looked very solemn as he drew a red heart shapped bottle from his robes.  
"Love Potion."  
  



	2. In Which Draco Malfoy Almost Hyperventil...

_10 Reasons Love Potions are Illegal_  
Chapter 2 In which Draco Malfoy Almost Hyperventilates  
By, Rosekeet  
A/N: WHOA. I have never ever in my whole career in fanfiction been so over whelmed with positive reviews. My goodness. I'm so happy you all liked it! *squeals happily but still looks slightly dazed* And sorry to Aedia. No I can't spell. It's my weak point. I never got higher than a C on a spelling test all year in English. So, next time I'll spell check for you guys, and for the record, don't forget that Mr. Weasly is muggle obsessed so he'd probably know something about their music, besides, N'Sync is as annoying as heck so I though it'd fit. Special thanks to: Lil, vilia, Aftertaste of a Razor Blade, Jazzy, Curry Spice, Ron *luff* Mione, ADaRen, MoonDancerCAt, dark bliss, Rosalia Snape, Len, Waiting Anxioulsy For the Next part, Tarathol, and FlagDiva05. I love you all!!!!!!!! HEEEEEEEEEERE we go!   
  
The plan was simple. Painfully simple. Just distract Hermione and Ron (He'd just get them to argue. He probably wouldn't have to do anything) then slip some Love Potion into Ron and Hermione's goblets. Very simple. Harry shook his head and rubbed his eyes as he walked down the stairs heading to the Great Hall. (For once, Ron and Hermione were being pleasant to each other.) He was exhausted. You'd think a plan as simple as that would have taken like 5 minutes to come up with. But NO. Not at 2 in the morning with 3 giggling girls going on about crappy romance novels with titles like, Hold Me When I die, and I'll Love You Until the End of Time. And then there was Malfoy. He took his match making so seriously. At any other time it would have been funny, but nothing was funny at 2 in the morning. It had taken 3 and a half hours to come up with, partly because Pravati, Lavender, and Ginny wouldn't agree to it until they made sure Harry would make Ron read two of their crappy novels and partly because Malfoy was so stubborn that he wouldn't listen to anybody else plan. Then, when he had finally gotten back to bed and back to sleep he kept being awakened by a reoccurring nightmare about Malfoy dancing naked with Dobby in front of the school. All in all, he was ready to pass out from exhaustion. _Good thing we have history of magic today..._ He thought as he pushed open the door to the Great Hall.  
"WHOA." He said, stopping and rubbing his eyes. "Is it just me, or is everything... pink?" He asked. Hermione nodded and Ron looked as though he was about to puke. The entire Hall was totally, and completely covered in Pink. And not just your basic bubblegum pink. OH no. There was pink of every single stinking shade you could imagine. (And some you couldn't) Pink streamers, pink ribbons, pink hearts, pink dishes, pink flowers, a couple of pink first years, pink chair. The only thing that wasn't pink was the floor, the walls, the ceiling and the tables. But they were so covered in pink decorations that you could barely see them. Malfoy was sitting at the Slytherin table looking disgusted but very smug. Harry would bet his broomstick that he had had something to do with this. He, Ron and Hermione, carefully made their way across the hall and sat down to on their now pink heart-shaped seats to eat.   
"Thank Merlin's beard the food isn't pink." Ron muttered sitting on the right of Harry. Hermione pursed her lips, determined not to say anything, and sat down next to him. Everything was going smoothly. Ginny, Pravati, and Lavender were overcome with a fit of the giggles, and kept looking pointedly at Harry, but then again, what else was new? Harry looked over at Malfoy, who nodded. Time to get Ron and Hermione arguing. _That won't be hard._ Harry thought looking around. He opened his mouth to say something, but Fred and George beat him to it.   
"Oh, George isn't this pink simply smashing? What shade is it?" Fred said holding up a streamer that was draped over Ron's chair.   
"Oh, I know! It's all the rage! I read about it in _Witch Weekly for Teens_. It's called Lockhart's Revenge." George gushed pretending to flip his hair over his shoulder. Harry and Ron snorted into their pumpkin juice. Hermione huffed.   
"It will looking simply _ravishing_ on my nails!" Fred said looking at his nails and tilting his head to one side just like dumb blondes do. That did it. Hermione stood up.  
> "What's wrong with a little pink in the Hall, huh? It looks nice!" She yelled.  
"A little?" Ron said standing up. "The place is covered! It's worse than when Lockhart _was_ here!"  
"It wasn't that bad!" Hermione said yelling. "It provided a morale booster!"  
"YEH! By making us all sick?" Ron yelled back louder. They were now in their classic fighting stance. 5 feet apart, fists clenched at their sides and faces red. The Gryffindors, being used to this sort of thing, put in their ear plugs. The other houses looked a little weary, but there wasn't a student who didn't know about Ron and Hermione's famous fights. A few turned their chairs so they could see better. Now they got to watch one!  
"IT IS NOT GROSS!" Hermione was yelling.  
"THAT'S JUST BECAUSE LOCKHART LIKED IT!!" Ron roared back.   
"YOU SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!" Hermione raged looking very angry. Harry watched, half asleep. He should really put that love potion in now. Harry stood up. Just then Snape swooped down from the High Table carrying his goblet to where Ron and Hermione were fighting. He sat his goblet down on the table next to Ron's. He turned around, knocking Harry over.   
"GRANGER! WEASLY! What in blazes do you think you are doing!" He roared, his voice adding to the commotion. Their was no effect, except that the watching students looked happier than ever. Harry got up feeling dizzy. He took the potion out of his pocket. There was Ron goblet, so Hermione's must be the one right next to it! He uncorked the bottle. _Now how much did Malfoy say? One drop? Two drops? No... That wasn't right... hmmm..._ Harry scratched his head. Uh-ho. It looked as though Snape was starting to break up the fight. He added 2 drops into Ron's goblet. _No... That can't be enough..._ He added 2 more drops. That still didn't seem like enough. He poured half to bottle into the goblet and the other half into Hermione's. _I might have gone a bit over board..._ He thought. _But hey! A little extra can't hurt!_ He heard Snape roar.  
"**DETENTION! AND 50 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!!!**". He swept over to where Harry was standing and grabbed Hermione's goblet. He took a deep swig and swept away. Harry gapped after him. Ron came back, looking very red in the face and took a deep swig from his goblet. Hermione stomped away heading towards Arithmancy. Ron, ignoring Harry, stormed away towards the Divination tower muttering about  
"Stupid, bloody, beautiful, annoying, girls." Harry was still gapping after Snape, his mouth opening and closing. He looked like a goldfish. Malfoy hurried over to Harry.  
"Did you get it?" He asked. Harry nodded numbly.  
"Good! Meet in the empty classroom in the Charms corridor at one in the morning." He whispered. "Tell the three musketeers too." Harry nodded and headed towards the Divination tower as the bell rang.  
~*~  
Ron was considerably calmer when Harry sat down by him. Divination passed in a blur. His mid jumbled with the thought._Snape drank it. SNAPE drank it._ Then he remembered the Malfoy said this particular Love Potion only worked when the drinker was in love with someone. Snape couldn't _possibly_ love anyone? NO. Defiantly not. His sprits rose and he and Ron left the Divination tower with Trewlany's brooding stare following them.  
"You know, I was thinking that I was pretty rude to Hermione." Ron said. Harry gave him a funny look. "I think I should apologies."  
"Yeh, that's a good idea..." Harry said. _must be the Love Potion..._ he thought.   
"Hello, Harry!" Hermione called. She shot a dirty look at Ron.  
"Hermione, I just want to say I'm sorry." Ron said, unashamedly. "I was really rude this morning. I apologies." Hermione looked at Ron like he had lobsters growing out of his ears.  
"Are you serious?"  
"I've never been more serious in my life." He said, his face the picture of sincerity.  
"Apology accepted!" Hermione said smiling. "I'm sorry too." The conversation on the way to the Greenhouses was very pleasant. Harry couldn't help thinking that maybe there was something too this Love Potion thing. Ron even offered to carry Hermione's books for her to potions class. She blushed and accepted. Ron didn't even complain. And carrying all of Hermione's books and your own is no mean feat. It even seemed that Snape was in a slightly better mood that usual. (He only insulted Harry twice.) Harry was worried about this but decided it must be a side affect.   
Ron's chivalrous mood continued thorough out the rest of the day. He carried Hermione's books again, held doors open for her, pulled her chair out for her at dinner and didn't say anything about the pink decorations which still gave Harry quite a shock. Hermione was in a VERY good mood that evening and so was Ron. He had announced to Harry and Hermione at dinner that he was taking it upon himself to improve his "primitive" manners. Harry disregarded this as he assumed it was just the Love Potion talking. Hermione's jaw hover practically dropped to her lap and she gushed about how nice he was being. Ron was still looking a bit smug about Hermione's praise when he and Harry walked up to bed, Harry in a kind of stupor thinking that it was just his rotten luck that Malfoy was so worried about people knowing about his hobby and that he Harry Potter that he had to meet a mid-night instead of after dinner, or in the afternoon, or at break like normal people. As he tossed his bag on the floor the two romance novels from Pravati, Lavender and Ginny fell out.   
"Oh, Ron." He said picking them up and thrusting them at him not wanting to be seen holding them for long, "These are from your- erm- sister. She wants you to read them." Ron took them with a bewildered look on his face.   
"Well, I can't say they're my taste, but if Ginny thinks they're good and wants me to read them I'll have to respect her opinions and do so." He said tactfully. Harry mumbled something along the lines of "You do that," and "that's nice." As he fell onto his bed and his snores reverberated around the room. Ron shrugged, lay on his bed and opened, Walk Over the Rainbow.   
~*~  
Harry's alarm clock woke him up at 12: 45. Luckily for him everyone in the room didn't wake up. He stumbled from bed and pulled on his bathrobe (even though he had fallen asleep in his clothes) and put his slippers on over his shoes. He found the invisibility cloak in his trunk, pulled it on and made his way numbly to the empty room in the charms corridor. Luckily for him he remembered to take his cloak off before he went in. Ginny, Lavender, Pravaiti, and Malfoy were all there. The girls burst into fits of giggles at his strange appearance and Malfoy glared at him.  
"You're late." He said sternly. He looked at his watch and then remembered it didn't work. "Wa time it?" He mumbled taking a seat.  
"1:10." Malfoy said. Normally Harry would have said something in return but he was just too tired.  
"Now." Malfoy said. "To business. It seems as though everything is going according to plan. Hermione and Ron have taken there potion and it's working beautifully."   
"Umm..." Harry said.  
"What?" Malfoy snapped.   
"Nothing." Harry said deciding against telling Malfoy. It wasn't important anyway.  
"Did you give Ron the books?" Lavender asked. Harry nodded and struggled to keep his eyes focused.   
"Can I have my bottle back Harry?" Harry handed it to him. He frowned.  
"It's awfully light. How much did you use?"  
"The amount you told me." Harry yawned. Malfoy uncorked the bottle and peered in. His face paled and he turned it upside down.  
"There is nothing left." He said his words sounding as though he was trying very hard not to strangle Harry.  
"Yeh. You said half a bottle."   
"WHAT?! I said one drop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Malfoy yelled.  
"SHHHHHHHHHHH!" Said the girls. Harry felt his stomach lurch.  
"Do realize what this will do?" He continued without letting Harry answer. "Love potion works by opening people up to the one they Love by making them a bit like he image of their loves 'perfect boy/girl.' But now, that you've given then a half a bottle! It will totally make them the one they loves image only in a HUGE proportion! And if the person met the so called 'perfect person' they find they don't like them at all! RON AND HERMIONE WILL BE ACTING COMPLETELY NUTTERS!!" Malfoy raged quietly breathing very hard and very fast.  
"Now might not be the time to mention that Hermione didn't drink the potion. Snape did." Harry said quickly.   
"**_WHAT?!_**" Malfoy said his breathing become more rapid. He sounded like he needed an inhaler. The girls looked nervous but not nearly the way Harry felt.  
"Do you realize what this means?!" He said looking slightly insane. "Snape will, Snape will...Merlin's beard..." Malfoy had to stop talking to catch his breath. "I-I can't deal with this now..." He said standing up. "I'm going- bed." He said hurrying out of the room. Harry not really bothering to think walked out pulled on his cloak and walked up to the common room. He woke up the next morning to the sounds of Dean and Seamus laughing at his wardrobe and Ron looking very disapproving.   



	3. El Conquistador and the Duel for Hermion...

_10 Reasons Love Potions Are Illegal_   
Chapter 3: El Conquistador and the Duel for Hermione  
By, Rosekeet  
  
A/N: Once again I am overwhelmed with your support. As you noticed I spell checked the last chapter for you guys. And, Ron DID drink the potion. Have to read that part more carefully. ^_~ Neways. Don't worry! Snape won't fall in love with a student! *cackles evilly* I have great plans for HIM!!!!!!!!! This ficcie won't be very long. I'd say 3-4 more chapters. So Like, 5 to 6 chapters total. Thanks to all who reviewed! I am so happy that you liked it! *smiles* Well, here we go! Hehe. Sorry if I spelled "conquistador" wrong. I don't' speak Spanish and neither does my spell checker. :) And to Anyana yes, I did make up the titles for the Romance Novels. Sad thing is that I bet there are some out there called that. And for Madison, no this will not be slash. And for **Lil**, here is how the Love Potion Works.   
Everybody has a fantasy of what there perfect guy or girl would be like. Let's take two people. Well call them Jack and Jill. Jill's idea of a perfect guy is a kind, polite one that is very romantic. If Jack is in love with Jill and he takes the love potion he will start to become polite, kind, and romantic. It also relaxes people and opens them up. Like alcohol. (Draco: That is a very crude description!) But if Jack takes too much he will become ABNORMALLY kind, polite and romantic. Get it?   
  
  
"_Really_ Harry." Ron said severely looking at him disapprovingly. "You should change into your night clothes BEFORE you go to bed. Honestly. Look at you. You're a mess!" Harry squinted up at Ron. He was a fuzzy. And Ron was still blabbing. He blinked a few times and realized that his glasses were on upside-down. He righted them and ignoring Ron got dressed. He was worse today. His stomach dropped. _Uh oh..._ He remembered what Draco said. _Well, Hermione's a sensible person. Her perfect guy shouldn't be TOO outrageous. But... What about Snape?_ Sure, Harry doubted that Snape loved anyone, but he still worried. Ron was now yelling at Seamus, Dean and Neville for making fun of the Romance Novels.   
"You really need to learn to respect women!" He said scowling.   
"Come on Ron!" Harry said yanking his arm.   
"And another thing-" he yelled to them as he was dragged away.   
"Shut up." Harry said with a yawn. As of now he was telling Draco that there would defiantly never be another meeting at 1 o'clock again if he had anything to do with it.   
"I beg your pardon!" Ron said looking shocked at Harry's poor manners. "You, Mr. Potter need to work on your manners!" Harry ignored him and continued walking, wishing he had his ear plugs. "And stop slouching! You have horrible posture!" _Hermione wants a guy who tells people off for slouching?_ He wondered.   
"Miss Granger!" Ron said, his tone changing. Hermione looked strangely at him.  
"Erm- yeh- hi..." Ron bowed and held out his arm.  
"May I escort you to the Great Hall for breakfast?" Hermione's cheeks went a bit pink.  
"Sure." She said with a giggle. Harry rolled his eyes. Hopefully this wouldn't get to mushy.   
~*~   
As they were walking along, (or rather Ron and Hermione were walking and Harry following and being ignored) Harry couldn't help think that Draco was seriously over reacting. _Sure, Ron's acting a bit weird (ok, completely off his rocker) but still, it could be worse._ And as it inevitably happens when one thinks or says that. Things got worse. As Ron was holding open the door to the Great Hall and bowing Hermione in, he stood up and started twitching.  
"Ron?" Hermione said looking worried. "Are you ok? Ron!" Ron stopped twitching and grabbed Hermione's arm.  
"Oh-ho fair maiden! I have never been better!"   
_Oh, no..._ Harry thought. Ron grabbed a knife out of a first years hand at the table buy him and pointed it gallantly forward, like a sword.  
"Come with me!" He cried. "We will go forth on our adventures together!" Harry mentally started banging his head against the wall.  
"Ron!" Hermione said looking shocked. "What the heck is the matter with you? Ron!!!!!!!"   
"Ron? I know no Ron! I request that you call me El Conquistador!" Ron said dragging Hermione along with him to the table. Hermione looked at Harry and mouthed "help". They were getting very funny looks. _CRAP!_ Harry thought and turned to look at Snape. Snape looked fine. He was talking with Professor McGonagall. He sighed with relief. But then turned back. Something wasn't right... What was Snape twirling...? No. It couldn't be! It was. Snape and grown a handle bar mustache! And he was smiling. Actually it came out as more of a grimace, but it was still smiling. Harry quickly ran over the Slytherin table and dragged Malfoy away from it.   
"What?" He asked sulkily.  
"Look at Ron and Hermione!" Harry said pointing to where the two of them were sitting. (Ron was trying to save Hermione from a killer bowl of oatmeal with his knife)  
"Oh don't worry. I'm sure _El Conquistador_ will save her from the bandit breakfast cereal." He said sarcastically. Harry glowered.   
"You know what I mean!" He said.  
"I told you so! But no. You didn't believe me!" He said, his breathing getting rapid.   
"Breath." Harry said. "You're going to hyperventilate again." Malfoy glared and gasped something out that Harry couldn't understand.  
"And what about Snape? The man grew a HANDLE BAR MUSTACHE for cripes sake!"   
"Well, don't blame me!"  
"It's not my fault he drank it!"   
"Well, YOU put too much in!"  
"I made a mistake! And there is nothing we can do. Unless- is there a counter potion?"  
"No." Malfoy said. "We'll just have to wait it out."  
"How long will it take?"  
"I don't know... a week or so, probably."  
"A WEEK! How are we supposed to live with Ron like _that_ for a week?!"  
"Well, from looking at Snape he's going to be a lot worse." Malfoy said pointing. Snape was holding the door open and bowing Professor McGonagall through.  
"McGonagall?!" Harry gawped staring after them.   
"Hm. I'm surprised I didn't see it before." Malfoy said.  
"MCGONAGALL AND SNAPE?!"   
"Oh, she doesn't love _him._ But, from the looks of it he loves her."  
"Snape loves _McGonagall_?!"   
_RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!_ Malfoy hurried away and headed towards his text class. Harry, Ron and Hermione had Charms. Hermione was looking very distressed as Ron clung onto her arm and tried to battle his way out of the Great Hall with a butter knife. He only succeeded in poking people, and making them rather irritated.   
"Harry, what is wrong with Ron?" Hermione said sounding desperate.  
"I am not Ron! I'm El Conquistador!" He said jabbing someone in the back. "Poor Lady, the trauma must have affected her mind." He whispered to Harry. Harry however was still in shock. The image of McGonagall and Snape printed forever in his young mind. _I'll have nightmares for years._ he thought.   
Finally they made it out of the Great Hall and up to Charms where as usual Flitwick was standing on his pile of books.   
"Weasly! What are you doing with that knife?" Flitwick squeaked.   
"I do not know who this _Weasly_ fellow is. I request to be called El Conquistador!" Ron said valiantly.  
"Well, Mr. Conquistador," said Flitwick irritated using a summoning charm to get the knife, "take your seat, and don't go brining silverware up from the Great Hall. Luckily for Hermione, she didn't sit next to Ron, who was very angry at Flitwick for taking his "saber". Charms progressed somewhat normally, until Flitwick called upon Ron.  
"I told you, man!" He barked. "I request to be called El Conquistador!" The entire room exploded with giggles. "Think it's funny do you? Well I challenge each and every single one of you to a duel!" More laughter. Hermione tugged on Ron's sleeve.   
"Please, sit down!"   
"Fear not, noble Lady! I will not perish!"   
"Ro- err- El Conquistador SIT DOWN." Harry hissed.  
"I will not!" He snapped pointing his wand at Harry. "I challenge you, sir- to a wizards duel! For the love and hand of the fair Lady Hermione!" The class room sounded like a small explosion had taken place such was the extent of the laughter. Hermione's face had gone such a brilliant shade of red that Harry could feel the heat radiating from her.   
"WHAT?!" Harry gawped, "Have you gone completely nutters?"   
"Is that a no then, Mr. Potter? Are you a _coward_?"   
"I am not!" Harry said, "But I am not going to duel _you_. You're insane!"   
"Coward!" Ron said jabbing Harry in the chest.  
"If you'll shut up and sit down I'll do it." He hissed.   
"The Qudditch field at 6 o'clock then?"  
"ENOUGH!!!" Shouted Flitwick. "Mr. Weasly,"  
"I request to be-"   
"FINE! FINE! Mr. Conquistador, please take your seat! This can be carried on outside of class! Now, if all of you don't bind, we are going to learn about Shielding Charms." Harry paid rapt attention, feeling the heated glares from Ron he felt like he might need it.  
~*~  
"Harry you can't go out and fight him!" Hermione pleaded. "He's gone mad! We should take him to Madame Pomfrey!"  
"I don't think his mad..." Harry said shoving a huge bite of Shepard's Pie into his mouth.  
"But he was going on about fighting for my love and well..."  
"Probably the one thing that hasn't changed about him then." Harry said standing up. "Come on then, to the Qudditch field."  
"You're not going to fight him then?"  
"Course I am. I just placed an anonymous note in the teachers lounge. Someone's bound to come down and break it up before either of us wins or gets really hurt." Hermione looked very relieved.  
*  
Harry cursed as he saw the qudditch field. It looked as though half the school had turned up. Someone had magiced seats their and Fred and George were charging people for tickets. Ron was standing looking very huffy indeed in the middle of a large circle of chairs. Harry groaned mentally and hurried to the center of the circle to face Ron. The sooner he got this over with the better. Ron glowered at him. Harry looked around the circle. Within 10 minutes the circle of chairs had been sat up. The last person in was a hunched over girl Harry had never seen before. She sat down next to Hermione.  
Hermione looked curiously up at her. Her face was hidden in a hood.  
"PROFESSOR MCGONA-"  
"Shhhhh! Not so loud Miss Granger!" She hissed.   
"Are you going to stop the duel?"  
"No! I'm hiding!" Hermione opened her mouth to reply, but Fred's voice interrupted her.  
"Welcome one and all!" He said, his voice magically magnified. "We are gathered to witness the duel between Harry Potter and Ron Weasly for Hermione Granger!" Hermione sank very low in her seat, her face burning up again.   
"Ready boys?" Harry and Ron nodded. Ron looking very determined and Harry looking very annoyed.   
"Didn't realize you were so popular with the boys, Miss Granger." McGonagall whispered. Hermione glared at her.   
"On three, bow and begin! 1, 2, 2.1, 2.2,"   
"FRED!" The crowed yelled.  
"AND 3!" Ron bowed extravagantly with much twirling of his hands. Harry was reminded of Lockhart and he bowed back.   
"Finicula!" Ron yelled sending a jet of hot blue at Harry.  
"Blockious!" Harry yelled and the curse bounced off him and headed back towards Ron who dodged it.   
"Gerardiosio!" Ron yelled. Harry blocked the curse again and fired his own,  
"Tripioso!" The spell hit Ron in the chest. The carefully got back up but toppled forward. The Tripping Spell had worked. After a few times Ron didn't bother to try to get up. He fired a laughing charm at Harry which nicked him in the leg sending him into fits of giggles.  
"Her- heriodious-" He gasped between giggles. Ron blocked it and was about to fire his own curse when,  
"BREAK IT UP! BREAK IT UP!" Snape yelled walking in the middle of the dueling field, twirling his new mustache. He hastily removed both curses from Ron and Harry.   
"Detention for both of you! And 10 points from every single house!" Harry quickly hid himself among the crowd of people. Ron was looking livid.   
Hermione heard Professor McGonagall curse and run towards the castle.  
"Minerva!" Snape called. "Is that you?" McGonagall ran faster.  
"WAIT FOR ME DARLING!!!!" Snape yelled and headed off at top speed after her. Harry shook his head and wondered why in the world he agreed to this Love Potion thing.   
~*~  
Luckily Harry got back to the dorm before Ron. He quickly changed into his pajamas and drew the curtains around his four poster. He quietly preformed the shield charm. No use in being to careful he though as Ron came in crying,  
"I will win the love of the fair Hermione!"   
  



	4. Thorny Roses and Bad Poetry

_10 Reasons Love Potions are Illegal_  
Chapter 4 Thorny Red Roses and Bad Poetry  
By, Rosekeet  
  
A/N: Thanks, all for your support! And special thanks to those who read my other HP ficcie. Any who's looking for a new fic to read, please read mine, just click my name to get to my profile! Let me see... There will be 2 more chapters after this. There's one for everyday leading up to Valentines day! Ah! And for the ever questioning Lil: conquistador is Spanish for conqueror. Ok, thanks to my loyal fans and all of you! I feel special and I'm still spell checking! ^_~   
  
DISCLAIMER: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter and all related characters. I own the idea for this story. The poem _My lady's presence makes the roses red_ is written by Henry Constable. The poem _Ah, God, the way your little finger moved_ is written by Stephen Crane. The poem/song _Beautiful Dreamer_ was written by Stephen Foster. The candle idea is from an old boy meets world episode. The idea for McGonagall running into Hagrid is Katzztar's. And the idea for Harry and Ron's duel from the last chapter is my pal Violomana's.  
  
Harry did _not_ feel safe that night despite the shield. He was continually woken up by fear of Ron trying to murder him in bed and images of Snape and McGonagall. Draco was positively furious over the whole thing. Hermione was positively miserable and worried about Ron's sanity. Harry was exhausted and could hardly wait for the Potion to wear off. Ron was, well, let's say "indisposed."   
All of Gryffindor was suffering as well and the ear plugs were working over time. The only people that seemed to be enjoying the whole thing were Ginny, Parvati, and Lavender who went into gales of giggles when ever they caught sight of Ron and poor Hermione. When Harry woke up he disarmed the shield charm and carefully peeked out of the curtains and looked around for Ron. He was nowhere to be seen. Harry breathed a huge sigh of relief and dressed quickly, jumping at small noises. He walked down the stair case with his back to the wall with his wand out ignoring the strange looks people were giving him.   
"Where's Ron?" Harry asked Seamus"I'm afraid he's going to try and murder me..." Seamus snorted.   
"Ron doesn't seem too interested in murder today." He said pointing to a corner of the common room. Ron was seated on a rough wooden stool next to a table. On the table was a candle. Ron was staring at the candle, sniffing and running his hand through the flame.   
"Ron?" Harry asked timidly giving him a funny look. He was wearing a black beret.   
"Yes, my poor woe begotten fellow?" Ron said mournfully.  
"Um... are you ok?"  
"Am _I_ ok?"  
"Yeh..."  
"I'm ok. But what about the children Harry the poor children?"  
"Um... what about them?"  
"Look how they suffer!" Ron said putting his head on the table and banging it up and down. "They suffer!" Harry quickly grabbed the candle, afraid that all Ron's banging would knock it over.   
"Yes. That is a shame. Where's Hermione?"  
"Ah the fair Hermione!" Ron said sitting up, obviously having forgotten completely about the children. He sighed dreamily,  
"_My lady's presence makes the roses red,  
Because to see her lips they blush for shame.  
The lily's leaves, for envy, pale became,  
And her white hands in them this envy bred.  
The marigold the leaves abroad doth spread,  
Because the sun's-_" Harry grabbed Ron's arm and dragged him away.  
"Shut up!" He said. Luckily for him, Ron complied and followed Harry looking a bit like a love sick puppy. _Ugh._ Harry thought. _What's worse: "I'm going to kill you" Ron or poetry fanatic Ron?_ Harry dragged Ron into the Great Hall and over to the big table where he found Hermione. When she saw Ron something like a squeak escaped her lips and she tried to run away. Ron grabbed her wrist and went down on one knee,   
"_Ah, God, the way your little finger moved   
As you thrust a bare arm backward   
And made play with your hair   
And a comb a silly gilt comb   
Ah, God—that I should suffer   
Because of the way a little finger moved._" Hermione looked terrified. Harry started banging his head on the table and everybody else started laughing. Hermione finally escaped and ran as fast as she could out of the Hall her face bright red. Ron immediately dashed after her. Harry decided it was pointless to follow so he sat down and started eating breakfast.  
"He read them!" Lavender squealed.   
"Read what?" Harry said looking up at her, his mouth full of bacon. "The books!" Parvati said exasperatedly. "That poem was in Tulips Red, Violets Blue!" Harry shook his head.  
"Yes and it was a great help." He said sarcastically.  
"Wasn't it!" They all said missing the sarcasm. Harry shook his head again and looked up at the high table. Both Professors Snape and McGonagall were missing. He sighed and head towards potions, afraid of what he might find there.  
~*~  
Inside the dungeons Harry found Hermione hiding behind a cauldron and Ron and Snape talking in hushed voices.   
"Try flowers! Or poetry! The ladies love poetry!" Ron was saying to Snape.  
"Yes, yes." Snape replied thoughtfully, twirling his mustache, "Thank you Weasly." Ron went and sat down next to Harry. Hermione moved to the other side of the cauldron.   
"What were you doing?" Harry asked.  
"Just giving the professor some tips on how to get McGonagall. More man. He's so clueless! She totally dislikes what he's doing and he can't take a hint."  
"I can't imagine." Harry said. The class proceeded as normal, or as normally as it possibly could with Hermione still hiding, Ron stopping every so often to quote poetry and sigh about Hermione and Snape walking around the class humming.   
_RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!!!!!_  
The class filed out, followed by Snape who headed towards the transfiguration corridor. Harry couldn't help feel sorry for McGonagall. Luckily for Hermione she had Arithmancy next so they were in separate classes.Ron's poetic self got on very well with Trelawny as it seemed to have an over active melodramatic side. Lunch came but Ron didn't go into the Great Hall with Harry, (much to Hermione's relief) instead he went out onto the grounds to see if Hagrid had any roses he could have.   
It was a typical February day. The weather had not yet decided whether or not it was to be winter or spring. Professor Snape was chasing after McGonagall. Ron smiled and shook his head. Snape, that sly old dog. Ron knocked on Hagrid's door.  
"Oh, Ron, er- El Conquistador..." Hagrid said, having heard about Ron's um- "unusual" behavior.  
"Good day, Hagrid!" Ron said brightly, adjusting his beret. "You don't happen to have any roses I could borrow do you?"   
"Sure do, in the garden behind the house." He said. "Funny. Professor Snape was just over here getting some hisself. Been acting a bit funny lately, he has."  
Hagrid commented as Snape chased McGonagall towards the house. Ron hurried around the house and started using his wand to sever several roses from the bush.  
"SEVERUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" McGonagall yelled over her shoulder. "WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?!" _**BAM!**_ McGonagall slammed straight into Hagrid.   
"Minerva!" Hagrid said helping her up. "You all right?"   
"I AM! BUT HE'S NOT!" She yelled trying to hide behind Hagrid as Snape came racing down the hill.  
"'Lo Severus." Hagrid said mildly.   
"Where- is- Min-er-va..." Snape panted clutching a stitch in his side.   
"Well, last time I saw she was, right 'hind me." He said gesturing over his shoulder.   
"HAGRID!" McGonagall bellowed.  
"MINERVA!" Snape said looking shocked and hurt. "What are you doing with _him_?!" He didn't give her time to reply. "You've bee cheating on me haven't you! I saw that time you kissed her at Christmas!" he said glaring at Hagrid. "Why, darling, why?"  
"Because you're mad!" McGonagall said looking incredulously at him.  
"You can't mean that! You've bewitched her haven't you! HAVEN'T YOU!!!" By this time Hagrid was very confused.   
"I ain't bewitched nobody. I ain't got a wand, member? Now, if you two can carry this on some where's else?" Hagrid shoved them a good three feet away from his house and McGonagall started running again and Snape started following. Ron headed back up to the castle, armed with a bouquet or roses.  
~*~  
Hermione sat in one of the good chairs by the fire doing her homework. Ron was no where in site. What was the matter with him? It was weird... A few days ago when he was all polite it was great. It was what she had always wanted wasn't it? It was like he was turning out like she always wanted him to but... it wasn't right. He wasn't Ron.   
"'mione?" Ron called. She flinched and made a run for the stairs but Ron caught her by the wrist.  
"Please, El Conquistador..." She begged. The entire common room and had gone quiet. In one hand Ron had a bouquet of roses, he also had one between his teeth.  
"'ere." he said handing them to her. She took them and immediately dropped them.   
"OUCH!" She said looking at her hand. The thorns on the roses had drawn blood. She started sucking it, glaring at Ron and trying to break free. Ron mentally cursed. This was not going according to plan AT ALL. He would have to resort to plan B. He spit out the rose that had been in his mouth and started- singing. Ron singing is not a pretty thing. Not pretty at all. If you had a choice between listening to a banshee and Ron singing you'd choose the banshee. That's how bad it was.   
"_Beautiful dreamer, wake unto me,   
Starlight and dewdrops are waiting for thee;  
Sounds of the rude world heard in the day,  
Lull'd by the moonlight have all pass'd away!  
  
Beautiful dreamer, queen of my song,  
List while I woo thee with soft melody;  
Gone are the cares of life's busy throng.  
  
Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me!  
Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me!  
  
Beautiful dreamer, out on the sea,-_" At this point the entire common room was laughing so hard that you couldn't hear the song anymore. Hermione was crying and she finally broke free and ran into her dormitory, slamming the door. Ron looked distressed. Harry started banging his head against the wall. This was turning into a total fiasco!   
~*~  
Hermione cried into her pillow. What had happened to Ron? _Her_ Ron? The Ron she was in love with? WHY? WHY? WHY had he gone away to be replaced with El Conquistador? Poor Hermione cried herself to sleep.  
~*~  
Ron was mystified. Why hadn't Hermione like his rendition of _Beautiful Dreamer_? Ron lay on his four posters deep in thought. How could he win the love of Hermione?  
~*~  
Harry was in the common room well past mid-night banging his head against the wall. *BANG* WHY *BANG* DID *BANG* I *BANG* EVER *BANG* AGREE *BANG* TO *BANG* THIS???!!!*BANG* *BANG* It was only when the Weasly twins came down at 2 in the morning and told Harry that if he didn't stop it they stick there wands up his you know where did he stop and go to bed. As he lay in the darkness his head pounding he suddenly had a revelation:_With love, the muggle way's the magic way._   



	5. The Perfect Hiding Place

_10 Reasons Love Potions are Illegal_   
Chapter 5: The Perfect Hiding Place  
By, Rosekeet  
A/N: Once again I am over whelmed with your support. I guess you all really like this story! ^.^ Or you remember it because I send people notices when every I upload a new chapter... hehe... but if you want reviews that's the way to get 'em! Well, thank you to everyone who reviewed. I'm having tons of fun writing this. I'm guessing this chapter to be a little shorter than the rest and it's getting a bit more romantic instead of funny, hope you don't mind. Ne ways, I'm trying to make this a least corny as possible... well... enjoy!   
  
  
"Come on, Draco, get up!" Goyle yelled at Draco Malfoy. He groaned and threw a pillow at him.  
"Go away, I'm sleeping!"   
"Fine. We'll save you a seat at the table." Goyle said as he left the room. "But hurry, Vincent says he wants us to meet his girlfriend or something." Another point for Draco. He rolled over and looked at the alarm clock. It read 10:30. Ugh. No one should be up at this ungodly hour. He forced himself out of bed and into some clothes. The shock of the pink Great Hall woke him up. Really. When he suggested the Valentine's Day decorations he didn't think Dumbledore would over do it so much. He suddenly felt a sharp poke in between his shoulder blades.  
"Where do you think you're going, you rogue?" Ron Weasly said waving butter knife at him. He had a cape thrown gallantly on and he was wearing a badly sewn black mask.  
"Whatever look you were going for Weasly, you missed." Draco said with a sneer.   
"I know not this Weasly fellow!" Ron raged. "I am El Conquistador! The greatest Conqueror of all time!" He said brandishing his butter knife, almost taking the eye out of a first year.   
"I don't think they should let people like you have sharp objects." Draco said and he plucked the butter knife from Ron's fingers.  
"How dare you!" Ron raged.  
"Shut up!" Harry Potter growled and started to wrestle Ron down into a seat. Ron put up a good fight but Harry used a tricky spell that caused ropes to wrap around Ron and tie him to the chair.   
"You should gag him too." Draco said trying to block out Ron's rambling.   
"Malfoy if you don't leave I'll shove your wand up your-"  
"Point taken." Malfoy said with a smirk and left. He could feel Harry glowering behind him. This whole love potion thing really was a disaster. Ron was doing nothing except making people pissed off and Hermione, well Hermione was gone. Hiding no doubt. He heard a shout behind him and guessed that Ron had broken loose of his bindings.  
***  
"I really think he should see Madame Pomfrey." Professor Sprout said looking worriedly at Ron who was having a fight with a large cactus- and loosing. "It's like he's gone mad."  
"Professor Snape has been acting the same way." A Hufflepuff girl piped up with a giggle. "I saw him chasing Professor McGonagall yesterday." Sprout looked worried.  
"Yes, he was acting rather odd in the teachers lounge yesterday." She said remembering how Snape had sprung out of the wardrobe where they hung their cloaks with a bouquet of roses. She thought Minerva had had a heart attack.  
"Mr. Potter, why don't you escort Mr. Weasly to Madame Pomfrey." Harry gulped. Pomfrey surely would be able to recognize a love potion...  
"He's fine, Professor. He probably just ate something funny." He said looking at Ron who was pulling cactus spines out of his fingers and glowering at the plant. Things were getting worse. He hadn't seen Hermione all day. She was even missing class.  
"All right, then. But if he gets worse, you take him to the hospital wing at once!"  
"Yes, Professor."  
***  
"Where's Hermione?" Ron asked looking about his hand rested on the handle of a butter knife he had swiped from the table and stuck through his belt, like one would a sword. Harry was wondering that himself. He wanted to talk to her. Remember how upset Hermione was the night before Harry had decided that he needed to find out if Hermione still loved Ron. And if he had too, he would tell her about the whole thing.  
"I dun-" He began, then he got an idea. "She's hiding in the girls' bathroom on the 4th floor."   
"The girls' room? I can't go there." Ron said rubbing his chin.   
"You could."  
"That would terribly rude; sometimes I think you were raised with apes Mr. Potter."  
"Sometimes I think you're a scitzo El Conquistador." Harry said shaking his head at another one of Ron's mood swings.  
"She can't stay in there forever, you know. She bound to come out sooner or latter."   
"By Jove you're right!" Ron said and dashed up to the 4th floor girls' room. Harry sighed and shook his head. It was time to start his own search for Hermione.  
*** Harry sighed as he washed his hands in the boys' bathroom on the 2nd floor. Hermione was no where to be found. She wasn't in the library, the common room, any of the girls' bathrooms, and Lavender and Parvati didn't know either. And if Lavender and Parvati did know they would have told any one who asked.  
"Oh, bother." He muttered as he grabbed a paper towel and started to dry his hands. Suddenly, he hear a splash in the stall with the sign on the door that said "OUT OF ORDER".   
"Bloody hell..." A familiar voice said and he saw a pair of feet appear.  
"HERMIONE?!"   
"SHhhhhhhhhhh!" She said opening the door and peering out. "Is anyone here?" Harry shook his head, in shock. She quickly pulled the sign off the stall door and tapped it up on the main door, then shut it and locked it.  
"What are you doing here? This is a boys' room?!" Harry said incredulously.  
"Well, no one would think of looking for me here would they?" She said briskly as she tried to wring toilet water out of her robes.  
"Well, no I suppose not."   
"Where's Ron?" She asked nervously.   
"I told him you were hiding out in the girls' room on the 4th floor. He's waiting outside the door for you." Hermione let out a huge sigh of relief and slid down on the floor against the wall.   
"Phew."  
"Why are you hiding anyway?" Harry said sitting down beside her.  
"Why do you think?"  
"Ron huh?"  
"No, I'm terrified to death of Professor Sprout!" Hermione said sarcastically. Harry raised his eyebrows. Hermione was hardly ever sarcastic. "Of course, because of Ron!"   
"He's been acting a little weird lately." Harry said carefully.  
"A LITTLE?! A _**LITTLE**_?!" Hermione exploded. "He'd gone mad! He's not acting like himself at all! It's like he's taken Polyjuice potion only it changed his personality instead of his looks."   
"There's one thing that's still the same."   
"What's that?" Hermione said resting her head in her hands.  
"That fact that he's in love with you."  
"Harry that's crazy." Hermione said sadly. "Ron has just gone mad. He's defiantly not in love with me."   
"Are you blind?!" Harry said. "For someone so smart you sure are an idiot sometimes, you know that?! Ron's crazy about you! Why do you think he got so upset about you and Krum last year? Why do you think he's never hit you when you two throw things at each other?! HUH? HUH?!"  
"Breathe, Harry, breathe." Hermione said. "It's just a coincidence." Harry groaned.   
"I give up! But Hermione, you love Ron don't you?"  
"Oh, Harry, please don't ask me that." She groaned.  
"Why not? It's important!"  
"Fine! I love Ron! I have since the 2nd year!" She snapped.  
"Great! Let's go tell him!" Harry said happily.  
"NO! I love Ron not El Conquistador. If the old Ron was back I might tell him. But El Conquistador, no. I don't love him." Hermione said and she stood up and walked out of the bathroom much to the shock of a passing crowd.  
***  
Ron came back at midnight.  
"Hermione never came?" Harry said sitting up in bed, he had been thinking about what Hermione had said.  
"No. And I got told off. But I showed them!" Ron said with a wave of the knife.  
"Indeed." Harry said and he drew his curtains around him. Valentines day was only 2 days away. What was he going to do? He felt really bad about Hermione and Ron wasn't improving. He groaned and rolled over. _Love is one thing you just can't mess with..._  



	6. Mushy Stuff or Ron Comes Dangerously Clo...

  
_10 Reasons Love Potions are Illegal_  
Chapter 6: Mushy Stuff or Ron Comes Dangerously Close to Murdering Harry  
By, Rosekeet  
A/N: Thank you to everyone for all the support! Here it is! The chapter you've all been waiting for!!!!!!!! I'm am trying to make it as least corny as possible, but sorry if it gets a bit to mushy for ya! *giggles* Don't worry, they're will be one more chapter after this!  
  
Ron Weasly woke up with a killer headache. He moaned as he sat up. _What a night! _ he thought. He had had a crazy dream that involved Hermione, poetry and some crazy conqueror with a butter knife. It was 11 o'clock. _What?! How come no one got me up?! It's Thursday! _ He thought to himself. Weird. He went down the stairs and into the common room. _I think I'll go to Madame Pomfrey to get something for this headache. _ He thought rubbing his temples. As soon as he sat foot in the common room the whole place exploded with laughter. Hermione screamed and ran out of the portrait hole.  
"What's so funny?" He asked Dean Thomas. Dean just laughed harder. Ron left. His head hurt too much to deal with them right now. He left the common room and headed towards the hospital wing.  
"MR. CONQUISTADOR!!!!" Yelled Flitwick, heading towards him. "Do not forget your detention tonight!"   
"Detention?" Ron said stupidly. "Why do I have detention I haven't done anything! Or not lately anyways..." Flitwick gave him a frosty glare.  
"Think your amusing do you El Conquistador?" He said sounding disturbingly like Snape. "Well, stabbing people with butter knives is not funny!" He finished and stormed off. Ron was stupefied. Butter knives? The only time he used them was to butter his toast at breakfast. He hadn't stabbed anyone with one. And why was Flitwick calling him _El Conquistador_ of all things? Ron shook his head and continued on his way to the hospital wing. He passed a group of 2nd year girls who burst into giggles when they saw him. _What is with people today?_ he wondered. Suddenly Professor McGonagall dashed passed him, closely perused by Snape. _I don't want to know._ Thought Ron.  
Madame Pomfrey didn't ask any questions and called him by his proper name which was a relief. After one swig of a potion that tasted like prune juice that had been boiled with a load of dirty underwear his headache immediately was gone. He thanked Madame Pomfrey and exited to be almost knocked over by Harry. Harry was wheezing and clutching a stitch in his side.  
"E-el Con-conquistador," he panted.  
"Why the heck are people calling me that?" Ron asked looking irritated.  
"Y-you mean you don't want to be called that?"   
"No!"  
"What's your name?" Harry asked looking hopeful.  
"Ronald Weasly, last time I checked." Ron said giving Harry a weird look. "I think you're the one who needs to see Madame Pomfrey."   
"You don't want to duel me for Hermione do you?"  
"NO! Why would I want to do that besides the obvious reason that is...?"  
"Recite something, a poem!"  
"I don't know any poems." Ron said, he was beginning to feel a bit frightened.  
"Do you still love Hermione?"  
"Yes! And don't say it so loud!"   
"THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Harry yelled. Ron was back to normal!!!!!!!!  
"HARRY WHAT IN THE NAME OF BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON AROUND HERE?! Why aren't we in class? Why is everybody laughing at me and calling me El Conquistador? Why in God's name is Snape chasing McGonagall? Why did Hermione run away from me?! WHAT IS GOING ON??????!!!!!!!!!"  
"Hermione is going to be so happy! Come on!" Harry said grabbing Ron's arm. He hadn't heard a word Ron had said.  
"_**ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME??????!!!!!!!!!**_" Ron raged. Harry let go of Ron's arm and froze.  
"What day is it?"  
"WHAT?!"  
"Answer me! What day is it?"  
"Thursday!" Harry said a word Hermione wouldn't have approved of.  
"You don't remember a thing do you?"  
"Remember what?" Ron said looking really, really pissed off and bewildered at the same time.  
Harry cursed again and grabbed Ron's arm and started pulling him forward.  
"Where are you taking me?" Ron spat.  
"We have to find Malfoy-"  
"We're LOOKING for Malfoy?" Ron gawped.  
"And you sister and Lavender and Parvati."  
"Why do we want to _look_ for them? We usually try to stay away from them!" Harry ignored Ron, something he had gotten very good at in the past few days. Harry found Malfoy, Ginny, Lavender, and Parvati in the Great Hall. Ignoring to loud protests of Ron and Malfoy he dragged the group to an empty room that was kept locked.   
"Alohamora." He hissed at the door. It opened, they went in and locked it again. "Will someone PLEASE explain to me what is going on?" Ron asked for about the hundredth time. Harry looked and Malfoy. The girls began to giggle.  
"We have to tell him." Harry said. "And McGonagall too. This whole thing is a disaster! Ron doesn't remember a thing."  
"Remember what?" Ron said irritated.  
"And McGonagall has a right to know why Snape has been chasing her."  
"Fine, fine." Malfoy said sounding irritated.  
"Will you leave us out of it?" Lavender asked timidly.  
"We didn't exactly do anything...." Parvati said.  
"You didn't let us!" Ginny piped up.  
"You aren't getting out of anything!" Harry said. The girls pouted. "Malfoy, tell Ron what happened."  
"No way. You're the one who put too much in."  
"You're the one who brewed it in the first place!"  
"SOMEONE BETTER TELL ME SOMETHING SOON!!!" Ron raged.  
"Fine, fine." Harry said and proceeded to explain. To a person with normal hearing standing outside the door it sounded as though a sound magnifying charm had gone horribly horribly wrong. This person's hearing will also never be normal again.  
"_**YOU DID WHAT?????!!!!!!!!!**_" Ron bellowed. "_**I DID WHAT?! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"**_ Ron raged. Harry, Malfoy, Lavender, Ginny and Parvati dashed out of the room and ran down the hall as fast as their legs could carry them. Ron was looking as though he really _would_ kill them, or at the very least hex them with every hex he knew and then some.  
"Let - go- McGonagall's office!" Harry panted and they ran up there and started banging on her office door. She opened it. Ron was gaining. They all dashed inside shut the door and locked it with every locking spell they knew. Ron stopped in front of the door, listening to McGonagall's shout reverberate around the small office. His face was burning with embarrassment and fatigue from running. _I can't believe I did all that!_ He thought. _I better go find Hermione..._  
***  
Hermione was in the library. She was afraid to try the boy's bathroom because there might have been someone in there and someone would surly tell if she hid in the girl's room.   
"Hermione?" Ron called quietly. "Are you in here?" Hermione cursed and tried to edge her way out of the library, holding a book in front of her face. Ron recognized her.  
"Hermione!" He said. She broke into a run. He grabbed her wrist. She whirled around and poked her wand at his throat.   
"If you don't let go of me I'll curse you with the worst curse that I know." She said her eyes blazing. Ron let go of her wrist.   
"Ok. Ok. Just hear me out ok?" Hermione lowered her wand but didn't put it away.  
"Look," he said, "about the past couple days... I'm really sorry." Hermione snorted.   
"You should be. Neither of us will never be able to live it down _El Conquistador_."  
"Don't call me that! My names Ron, remember?" he said gently. Hermione narrowed her eyes.   
"I don't believe you." Ron proceeded to blurt out the whole story that Harry had told him. She moaned and sat down in a chair in the table closest to them. The were in the back right corner of the library by the window. She banged her head against the table a few times.   
"URGH! I'll kill THEM!!" She hissed. "Why in the world would they do that?!" Ron shifted uncomfortably. "But you're back to normal right?" she said looking at Ron.  
"As normal as I ever was, as a wizard is never _normal._" He said with a small grin. Hermione flung herself on him in a hug.   
"THANK GOD!" She said happily. Ron hugged her back uncomfortably, trying to breathe.  
"Herm, can you let go?" He wheezed. "I can't breathe." Hermione let go and Ron massaged his ribs. "Ouch. Only you can make a hug violent, Hermione." She scowled.   
"But I guess I deserved it. How long do you think it'll take Madame Pomfrey to mend broken ribs?" Hermione scowled harder but her eyes were smiling. "I am sorry about everything. The _El Conquistador_ crap, the poetry, the roses..." he said feeling his face going red. "I didn't mean any of it." Hermione's face fell.  
"You didn't? Not one bit?"  
"Oh, Herm, can't we talk about this later." He moaned. "I've just found out that I've been acting completely nutters for the past few days running after you of all people."  
"Oh, well I guess because it was me it made things all the worse?" Hermione snapped getting up.  
"I didn't mean it that way!" Ron said hurriedly. "I mean we- we fight all the time. And throw things at each other. Fred and George made a killing off ear plugs to block out the noise of our fighting. We act like we hate each other."  
"Actually it's _painfully_ obvious that you guys are crazy about each other." Said George popping up out of no where.  
"Yeah, everybody's waiting for the day when you too finally get up the courage to tell each other that-" Fred began.  
"GET OUT OF HERE!" Ron yelled.  
"THIS IS A LIBRARY!" Madame Pince yelled. "FRED! GEORGE! OUT!" Fred and George left the library grinning and giving Ron thumbs up signs.  
"Look Hermione-" Ron said again. His face was as red as his hair.  
"I see how it is." She said briskly and started to walk away. Ron grabbed her wrist pulled her around and kissed her. Hermione didn't pull away and when the broke away her face was as red as Ron's.  
"Damn you woman, you didn't let me finish!" Ron said with a scowl.  
"Go right a head." Hermione said looking very flustered and rather pleased.  
"Hermione, I don't hate you. I've never _hated_ you. I like you, a whole lot."  
"I should hope so, after that." Hermione said still looking bewildered.  
"For someone so smart you sure are dumb sometimes Herm!" Ron said rubbing his forehead, sounding like Harry. "You aren't making this easy."  
"Making what easy?" Hermione asked her heart beating rather painfully in her rib cage.  
"Damn, Hermione, don't you realize I love you?" Ron asked looking incredulously at her.  
"You what?" Hermione said hoping that she had heard him correctly.  
"I love you." Ron said feeling very stupid. Hermione's face split into a huge grin and she kissed him again.  
"I love you too." She whispered hugging him, more loosely this time. Ron hugged her back. They stood there like that for several minutes, Ron's chin resting on Hermione's bushy head. Each, incredibly happy, feeling the others heart beat against their own. (A/N: Yes, yes. That was corny, but I couldn't resist. *sniffs happily*)  
"Uh oh, Herm, it look's like we've got company." He said looking out the window. Hermione let go of him and turned to the widow where Malfoy, (who was looking VERY smug) Harry (who had a look on his face that was practically screaming "I told you so.") and Lavender, Parvati and Ginny (who were all blowing there noses and wiping their eyes saying things like "That was so beautiful" and "They are sooooooo good together!" to one another) who had made it out of Professor McGonagall's office with only detention every night for the rest of the month, 100 points from their prospective houses a piece and something else that she hadn't got to say because Snape had burst in at that moment and she had gone running out of the room were all piled onto Harry's Firebolt and Malfoy's Nimbus 2001. Ron and Hermione scowled at them then looked at each other and grinned.  
"I have a truly fantastic idea, Hermione." Ron said wrapping his arm around her grinning evilly.   
"We're thinking on the same wavelength, Ron." Hermione said grinning and equally evil grin. The group outside began to get nervous and the headed as fast as it was possible to go with 3 people on your broomstick to the ground. Ron and Hermione grinned and each other again and walked out of the library, hand in hand.  



	7. Valentines Day or Sweet Revenge

_10 Reasons Love Potions are Illegal_   
Chapter 7: Valentines Day or Sweet Revenge  
By, Rosekeet  
A/N: Goodness! I'm glad you all liked that last chapter! I was worried that it was a going to be a bit to mushy! There will be more of McGonagall and Snape in this chap and more of Ron and Hermione and basically every other character that I wrote about in previous chapters. Huh. Imagine that! Well, this is the last chapter! I hope you have all had as much fun reading it as I have had writing it. I am grateful to all who reviewed and e-mailed. I even received a nice review from Violomana, and if Violomana gives you a nice review you know you're on to something good. If you are kind you will click to get to my profile and read my other HP fics (Complicated, A Midsummer-night's dream, Louisa and the missing teeth and Serendipity) and yes, this is a plea. Thank you to everyone! I love you all! *Hugs everyone* I'll miss writing this.   
  
Between Lavender and Parvati it took approximately 3 minutes and 49 and a half seconds for every single person at Hogwarts (ghosts, teachers, and house-elves included) to know that Ron and Hermione were an "item". But nether of them seemed to care much. They were too wrapped up in each other as Harry would have pointed out if he wasn't afraid that Ron was going to murder him. The next day was Valentines day. It was Sunday, so they wouldn't have any classes. There was going to be a big party in the evening, with a feast, music, dancing and other Valentines day activities. (wink, wink). None of the fantastic match-making crew had been banned from the party as McGonagall was a bit, erm, preoccupied. As far as any of them knew Snape was still chasing her. But, the potion should have worn off by then, so Snape would be back to his surly old self. Which, Harry thought, would be an improvement.   
Draco's life had turned into a nightmare. Ron had "accidentally" let it slip it was Malfoy who brewed the potion and he had taken up the post as official matchmaker of Hogwarts. Almost everyone was giving him a hard time, even the teachers. The only people who didn't seem to mind were the couples who he sat up. Even Ron felt the tiniest bit grateful towards him, Harry, Lavender, Parvati and Ginny. But that didn't stop him and Hermione from carrying out their plan.  
~*~  
Valentines day dawned cold and gloomy, but no one seemed to mind. Ron had managed to get in an order for a bouquet of flowers for Hermione. Hermione had been delighted with the large bunch of daisies. Ron said he would have gotten her roses, but after the little "incident" he said he would never feel the same way about them again. Hermione had laughed and kissed him on the cheek, both of them going pink and the common room bursting into giggles and awwwwwwww's. Valentine's were being exchanged by everyone. Fred and George gave one to every single Gryffindor but, after Fanny Blunk (a 4th year friend of Ginny's) had opened it and her hair had turned a gaudy shade of pink, everyone had promptly discarded them into the fire. Except Angelina who said she had been begging her parents to let her die her hair but they hadn't let her. Fred had also given Angelina a rose that burst into song when you sniffed it. Everyone was in general good humor towards the evening and an all time record of 23 couples had been caught in empty class rooms, closets and other small spaces. Everyone was very happy to be going down to the party. Everybody except Harry and Draco that is.   
~*~  
Harry Potter was fuming. He couldn't believe that McGonagall had agreed to this, this- torture. That was it. It was torture. Sure it didn't' physically hurt but it sure was doing hefty blows to his pride and as for Malfoy? Harry thought sobbing was pushing it a little but if he was just a bit weaker, he would've joined Draco.   
"Enjoying yourself, Harry?" Ginny said with a passing giggle as she served tiny heart shaped cookies to a group of Hufflepuffs. Harry glowered. As far as he was concerned Ginny, Lavender, and Parvati had gotten off WAY, WAY to easy. All they had to do was waitress. They were all outfitted in frilly pink dresses, white mary-janes, aprons with heart-shaped pockets and little white hats. Harry would have rather put of a frilly dress and waitresses along with them than do THIS. In fact, he even offered too. He even said he's wear the mary-janes but, noooooooooooooooooooooooooo.   
"Hello Harry." Said Hermione smiling infuriatingly as she and Ron walked over to him hand and hand. The only thing Harry could do was glare and point the little heart shaped arrows at them. (McGonagall would have his head if she caught him firing.) But this didn't do much good. It just started Hermione giggling. Cupid isn't a very threatening figure.   
"If I had, had a place to put my wand in this get-up I would have brought it had hexed the pair of you to kingdom come."   
"I could say something _really_ inappropriate, but funny, right now, but I won't." Ron said trying to look innocent. (A/N: PLEASE, don't make me explain this, Lil.)  
"RON!" Hermione said whacking him in the back of the head.   
"Ouch!" he muttered glaring at her. Harry fumed silently. It really was a shame that there weren't pockets in loin clothes. Well, it wasn't exactly a loin cloth, it had a back. It looked more like a diaper. "Well, you have to admit, were lucky he's hanging so low no one can walk under him!" Ron continued, obviously enjoying himself. Harry was suspended from the ceiling with a stout rope. Hermione, couldn't help herself, she started cracking up.  
"Shouldn't you be a TINY bit grateful?" Harry said over Hermione's laugher.  
"Oh, I am. I am." Ron said. "Breathe, Hermione. Breathe."  
"When I get down from here..." Harry said threateningly.  
"Don't forget your detentions." Ron said patting Hermione on the back. She seemed to be chocking.  
"You're lucky they didn't expel you!" Hermione said, recovering.   
"Hermione's right you know." Ron said.   
"Great. Why'd I want to set you too up in the first place?" Harry said with a glare. "You guys are going to be ganging up against me for the rest of my existence."  
"It's not like we're getting married." Ron said.  
"Yet." Lavender said hurrying past carrying a tray of punch. Hermione and Ron both turned red but neither objected to the comment.  
"No objections I notice." Harry said smirking. Hermione opened her mouth but was interrupted by Professor McGonagall running over and trying to hide behind them.   
"Professor!" Ron said. "Didn't the potion wear off yet?"  
"Yes!" McGonagall said miserably as she squeaked and dashed away.  
"10 points from Gryffindor!" Snape said happily as he ran buy, now clean-shaven. "Minerva, darling! Wait for me!" Hermione and Ron dissolved into laughter and even Harry couldn't' help but smile. Ron cut off Hermione's giggles but sweeping her up in his arms and kissing her. Hermione, naturally, didn't object. Harry rolled his eyes and sighed.  
"Oh, please. Get a room." Pansy said nastily as she walked by. But Hermione and Ron hadn't heard.  
**THE END**  



End file.
